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SOMEONE ELSE? (1-2 MINS): Since the last day we saw each other, I've suspected there may have been a similar situation before me. I don't know for sure, and I don't know how similar - whether or not emotion was involved.

The reason is because when you told me ``numbers'' you quickly corrected yourself by one. It felt an odd mistake. There would've been no judgement, but I would have wanted the truth, and to understand what, if anything, it meant for our relationship. One of the things I valued most was our transparency and honesty (though I've now identified a small handful of other things where I think you lied... ).

If I'm right, it makes me feel even more like collateral damage. I've taken anger and blame from people on your side, which, while understandable, already partially stems from absence of truth. It would confirm (along with the fact that, rightly or wrongly, we were happy, and hadn't yet said Goodbye), that it was the discovery and reactions, not the act, that caused pain and prompted change in you. It doesn't lessen your sincerity in wanting to make things right. But it heightens my feelings of being used and disposable: by being discovered, I became merely a tool to help you realise what mattered, after which I was thrown away, with no regard for the fact I was deeply hurt too. (BACK)

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